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By Lakeshia Ekeigwe
Twitter / LinkedIn
Countless women lawyers find themselves in the cycle of postponed happiness in various aspects of their life. They are shocked to discover their beliefs, behaviors, and mindsets create a consistent pattern of negotiated happiness.
I have found that at the core, many feel they must somehow earn the right to be happy. As if happiness is a reward.
Please know this, happiness is not a reward. Happiness is a choice. Your happiness is your choice and you deserve to be happy now.
Perhaps you can relate to a few real-life examples of postponed happiness below:
"When I make partner, I can slow down and finally enjoy everything I worked so hard to accomplish."
"When I earn more money, I can finally get out of debt and be happy."
"When I lose weight, I will treat myself to a nice wardrobe and then attract the man of my dreams."
"When I attract the man of my dreams, then my life will be much happier."
All of those statements reveal an underlying belief that what you really want is conditional, hinging upon something or someone else. Even worse, that event occurs at some undefined time in the future. So happiness now, in the present, is negotiated and ultimately postponed.
Isn't that sad?
I suggest you reframe any such statements you might be telling yourself when the tendency to negotiate your happiness shows up:
"I have worked very hard to get where I am now. I am going to enjoy every phase of my career journey - living, learning and loving the entire way."
"It is my decision to create an action plan to get out debt. I will get professional advice to find out how to enjoy and maximize my income now while paying down my debt."
"There is more of me to love right now, so I will love myself more. I will make conscious choices about what I put in my body and on my body. My beautiful mind and beautiful heart live in a beautiful body.”
“I am creating a happy life now so I can attract the joyful and loving man of my dreams.”
Do you see how these reframed statements are present-centered and actually energize them?
Happiness is a state of being that arises from the way you experience yourself. Your happiness level is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, which can and should grow and deepen . . . daily.
If you are engaging in negotiating or postponing your happiness, please, stop doing so now. You deserve to live a happy life now. Reframe anything you might be telling yourself about being happy later. As you know, later may not come.
Would you like to know how I work with women lawyers to help them create happier lives? Email me confidentially at firstname.lastname@example.org or InMail me here on LinkedIn.
Have you downloaded your free copy of - 3 Huge Mistakes Women Lawyers Make & How You Can Avoid Them?
About Lakeshia Ekeigwe
Lakeshia facilitates deeply transformative coaching experiences for lawyers, law firms, universities and municipalities based on the principles of emotional intelligence, personal development, and self-awareness.
She specializes in coaching and consulting women lawyers from a whole person perspective so they not only have successful careers but experience happy, thriving personal lives as well.