Subscribe to LexTalk to stay on top of today’s legal issue and trends.
Catapult Your Career |
Industry Insights & Trends |
Product Training & Tips
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Lawyers: They’re at the heart (or butt) of so many jokes. Need proof? Googling “lawyer jokes” returns about 755K results in .32 seconds. With thousands of jokes at their expense, lawyers have two options: either embrace them or be insulted by them.
April marks the beginning of National Humor Month when we “honor those who make us laugh.” In honor of this event, we ask those who embrace lawyer jokes to share their favorite lawyer joke below. To join in the discussion, register at LexTalk and comment within the ‘Join the Conversation’ text box (located at the bottom of the post).
My response for when the lawyer jokes start to go too far: "When you're falsely accused of a crime, are you going to call a comedian?"
There are no lawyer jokes - they're true stories...
Don't have any lawyer jokes that come to mind, but I'm not insulted by them. It's fun to laugh at ourselves.
I think lawyer jokes are funny, but they make my wife mad. My father, who is a doctor, always has a new lawyer joke when we get together. He believes medicine is a more noble profession than law. I simply remind him that for centuries, our kind was writing the codes and constitutions that would form the foundation of modern free society, while his kind was still bloodletting to get rid of evil spirits.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they're boring.
This is one of my favorites -- often because I think my job is really interesting but I know when I talk about it, people go to sleep.
Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers chained to the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start
A partner and a very green associate are handling a case. The partner's mother dies just before closing arguments and the partner flies out of state to make funeral arrangements. Very nervous about leaving the associate in charge of the last day of trial, the partner preps the associate extensively before leaving and makes the associate promise to let the partner know about developments by telegram. The associate makes a great closing argument and wins the case, so he sends the partner a telegram that says "Justice has been served!" The partner sends a reply telegram that says "Appeal immediately!"
Bumper sticker on the bulletin board in my office: "Marriage is grand. Divorce is 20 grand."
So many good ones. Here are a couple of my favorites. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is just a fish. What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50? "Good morning, your honor." Why don't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office and starts thinking about what he can do to get new clients. After thinking for a while, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Smith, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man and asks "how can I help you sir?" The man replies, "nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Jokes about lawyers tend to be applicable to any other category of person: "Q: How can you tell when a [lawyer] / [insert any other job or type of person here] is lying? A: His lips are moving." I would be happy to laugh at a true lawyer-specific joke, but most are lame.
I can't think of any jokes off the top of my head but like another user has commented, its good to laugh at ourselves! I hate it when lawyers take their job so seriously and can't see the humor in some of things we do. Yes, there is a time and place for everything (including being serious) but also a time we can relax and laugh at ourselves for some of the stupid stuff we do in this profession!
A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
"It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
It's probably apocryphal, but the joke/horror story that I think of is the one about questioning a lawyer about his billing records... "According to your time sheets for the past 10 years, you're 138 years old."
How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"