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Whether you are currently in divorce or family law litigation or you are considering filing for divorce or a motion, there are certain things you should seek during the process that will enable you to live a better life-post divorce or post breakup. Now, before I go into my tips, I do want to say that while there maybe calm now, there maybe peace at times, you must always remember why you are in court in the first place. You or your divorce attorney should know that while it is great to plan for perfect situations and clarity, the reality is that a divorce attorney must help you plan for the worst. By doing so, the attorney will help you avoid roadblocks and issues that can arise in the future when you are trying to move forward with you life in a positive direction.
POOR COMMUNICATION LEADS TO MORE DIVORCES THAN ANYTHING ELSE
Most people believe cheating or infidelity is the leading cause of divorces in the world. The truth is, before the infidelity started the spouse may have felt neglected because of lack of communication or inability to communicate effectively. This continued lack of communication of miscommunication leads to more serious problems and eventually a divorce or break up. The reason why I am emphasizing the underlying issue between many couples is that if your divorce or family law agreement is not clear, you will be back and forth to court and that will only damper your life.
1. DURING A DIVORCE, PREPARE FOR THE WORST EVEN IF IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN
By preparing for the worst, you will be prevent potential hardships and disappointment. These hardships could cause more stress than you need. By having your attorney be as specific as humanly possible and write in how certain potential future events will effect the agreement so that you have certainty and that you are not back and forth in court causing you stress and money. So for example, you and your spouse agree that your child will attend private school every year. Five years down the road, your former spouse earns less money. How do you determine if your spouse she be able to avoid paying? Or pay less? With the right language and parameters, these issues can be addressed before they happen.
2. FOCUS ON YOU
Yes it sounds very selfish but if you are not happy, if you do not take care of yourself, your children and your family will know it and be affected by it. By focusing on the positives in your life and things that make you happy, your kids will be happy. Children know when a parent is upset or stressed out and this affects them too.
3. WANT YOUR FORMER SPOUSE TO BE HAPPY
Regardless of how you feel now, wish that your former spouse is happy or will be happy. If your ex is focusing on someone else or on other things, he or she will not be focusing on you, obsessing over you and trying to upset you or the failed marriage.
4. DON'T BE NEGATIVE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS ABOUT YOUR FORMER SPOUSE
Another problem people face or deal with after a divorce or breakup is speaking negatively about your former spouse or the other parent. Nobody wins here, trust me. Gossiping or being being negative in general will only make you feel "good" for a short time but in the end, the negativity and the negative talk will affect you too. The children want to be loved, and want to love their parents, they do not need to know about the litigation or the issues you are dealing with concerning their mother or father, keep that in "the vault." While your child may seem mature, the majority of children are not truly able to cope with the back and forth between parents and frankly, it is not fair to them. If you need to talk to someone, talk to your closest friends, family, your attorney, your therapist, etc., not the kids.
5. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
While your marriage may have ended or you are about to file for divorce, count your blessings. If the marriage or the relationship did not work but you have children, be happy that you have children, not everyone can have children. If you are forced to pay alimony, yes, you will not jump for joy, but be happy that you are successful and have the ability to provide a lifestyle that your children can enjoy, many people do not have jobs! We tend to dwell on our shortcomings or wish for things we do not even need, it is critical to put your life in perspective. Your children view you as a role model. Your children love you. You are American! Yes, that is a big plus. After a life changing event such as a divorce, start counting your blessings, stay positive, avoid worrywarts and negative people. Everyone will notice the difference, especially your children.
While my tips may seem simple, it is simplicity that will make you happy and help you lead a happier life.
For more information about divorce or family law issues in New Jersey, please visit my informative website on http://topjerseycitydivorcelawyers.com/
THE ARTUSA LAW FIRM, P.C. JERSEY CITY DIVORCE LAWYERS AND JERSEY CITY FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS 201-706-7910 – IF IT CONCERNS DIVORCE OR FAMILY LAW, LOOK NO FURTHER, CONTACT US TODAY.